Mallard Malady Meanders Further Measurably

The Gist: One MP assaults another. The assaulting MP is from the party in power who have just started an extensive anti-violence campaign.

Prime Minister Helen Clark says: Well, you know, Mallard *was* defending another woman’s integrity… but gee, I guess he should have been big enough to walk away.

Winston Peters says:Awww come on, it’s just one mistake, stop with the hectoring, lecturing, prissy, do-gooder, PC, pointing-the-finger.

http://www.areyouok.org.nz says: It’s never OK! So says your government! And no we’re not a site promoting the return of irony into political debate.

The Maori Party says:Mallard looks like he’s been training up on his close combat techniques, almost like he’s been attending some sort of ”training” style ”camps” for purpose of inspiring “terror” in the hearts of opposition MPs. We think the police need to look further into this!

Guest Commentator Ron Burgundy says: The only way to bag a classy lady was to give her two tickets to the Mallard Mallet show *kisses the biceps* and see if she likes the goods.  

Cliff Notes’ News and Commentary Team says:We wonder if Vince McMahon has been taking notice of this situation at all. Mallard could perhaps be building towards a more lucrative career in sports entertainment. His finishing move will be known as the Mallard Mallet, he’ll signal to the audience that he’s going for the coup de grace with a duck caller he uses to enhance his package in the tight spandex, then move in for the kill with his own interpretation of the old Polish Hammer move. He then poses victorious proclaiming “For the honour of women everywhere!”

Yeah it’s a slow news day.