Supermarket chain bans fireworks sales

The New Zealand Herald says: A supermarket chain will ban fireworks from its stores because of the damage and injury caused during Guy Fawkes Day celebrations.

^^ Progressive Enterprises says: “We feel strongly that this is the right thing to do to help prevent children’s safety being compromised in the future. We all have families and their safety is our chief concern.”

The Ghost of Guy Fawkes says: Ah fer Fawkes sake! Do you guys even remember why I did this? This is what happens when heathens, Protestants and Anglicans have too much power. If I wasn’t in hell for punishment I’d be up there right now sneaking some of this fire and brimstone into the beehive!

Cliff Notes’ News Commentary Team says: Just face it kiddies, Guy Fawkes was finished as a decent cultural event when they banned skyrockets. No use crying about it now. For some reason the prevailing social theory is that people who are stupid enough to hurt themselves or those around them with fireworks are somehow smart enough not to do the same thing through other means like speeding, raising dangerous dogs inappropriately or running with knives. May we suggest the likes of the USA or Japan for your yearly fireworks needs? They apparently know how to handle fireworks responsibly and not let the misshaps of the few penalise the many.